45 Perfect Coffee Quotes to Boost Your Mood | The Darkest Roast

Looking for the perfect coffee quotes that accurately expresses your mild obsession with coffee? Keep reading…

Let’s face it, coffee is the one thing we can always rely on. Morning, noon or night (but mostly morning) our cup of Joe starts the day. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to function in society. It has become a daily routine and without our morning ritual, we feel off. The feeling of gratitude for this magical brew is so intense that we often want to eulogize about the dark bean which gives us the focus and energy to tackle the challenges of the day. If you feel this strongly about coffee, you are not alone.

Whether it’s ex-presidents of the United States, poets, writers or entertainers, the love for world-class bean is a universal one. So, here are some of the best quotes that double up as interesting coffee facts to remind us of how lucky we are to share the same plant with the most powerful [legal] drug known to man

45 Amazing Coffee Quotes

Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman

The former host of the Late Show puts into words how all of us feel when we have to strike up a conversation without the aid of coffee. “Help!”

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S Elliot

So have we, T.S, and we’re still counting! Are there enough spoons in the world to accurately calculate just how much java an aficionado drinks? Probably not!

“Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais

We’ve all been there – drinking a cup of coffee too late in the evening, trying to meet a deadline and then struggling to sleep at night. Of course, Allais’ tongue-in-cheek remark is more about the monotony of life without coffee in our lives, and I think we can all agree he’s right. On both sides. Preach!

“If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.” “If I were your husband, I would drink it.” Winston Churchill & Nancy Astor

This funny exchange between Britain’s most famous Prime Minister and their first female MP shows just how much we all need a cup of Joe in the morning. Even with poison in it, we would still drink it. Of course, it doubles up as an insight into the battle between men and women, too, a dispute which will only be solved with the help of more coffee!

“No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kabir

Yes, Sheik – coffee is the ultimate eye-opener, in more ways than one. Whether it’s in the morning with sleep still clouding our eyes or at a party filled with philosophical conversation, we see better with it. Also, does anyone else think we’d be better off without religion as we know it and following the gospel that is coffee instead? We’ve seen and experienced it’s true power, and we are eternally grateful. The world would be a simpler, better place. These famous coffee quotes make us love coffee even more.

“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson

Earl is right – nothing brings people together like coffee. Yes, coffee doesn’t necessarily start the conversation or keeps it going, but it gives coworkers something to form around. Many a penny has been earned on the back of a successful coffee break, and that’s no lie. For everything that science can’t answer, there is a cup of coffee to help us figure it out. Pair it with our coffee quotes as it is truly a great combo.

“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.” – Sir James MacKintosh

The reason this man is a knight of the realm is due to his intelligence. He correctly establishes that without coffee, men are useless and I think we can all agree there is plenty of merit to his assumption.

“Coffee first; schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber

Leanna Renee Hieber thinks along the same lines as Sir James MacKintosh but without the unnecessary dig at men, adding a touch of class to proceedings. She may have had her coffee before proclaiming this, unlike James.

“But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch

As far as coffee facts go, this is one of the most bona fide ones in my opinion. Sure, we’ve all had a bad cup of java or two in our lives yet, no matter how bad it was, it never compared to the times we had to brave the world without it.

“What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” – Henry Rollins

Mr. Rollins is a true coffee addict. Like a smoker, he can’t resist the urge to chain cup after cup of his favorite dark roast. We can judge him and tell him to see someone, but that would be hypocritical considering we’re just as bad. We don’t want to admit it either! Let us be!

“Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.” – Laurell K. Hamilton

Apparently, a healthy diet should avoid the excess consumption of both coffee and sugar. Laurell K. Hamilton, on the other hand, understands they go together like two peas in a pod. In fact, they’re such a good combination that they’re the only food groups she needs and I think she has a point.

“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Alfred Renyi/Paul Erdos

Coffee facts don’t usually annoy me yet this one is frustrating. Modern coffee seems to be a scientific experiment to find the right blend, and it often ruins the experience. Molecules schmolecules – give me a decent cup of Joe and stop messing around!

“I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go,’ Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.” – Jim Carrey

Okay, so Jim Carrey is probably talking about the beauty of life but it also applies to coffee, too. Truly enjoy the really good cups of coffee when you have them, because they can (as coffee usually does) disappear in an instant and you might never find anything quite like it again. Who knew the man behind “Dumb & Dumber” was a philosopher?

“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” – Edward Abbey

Hey, I don’t agree with all of the coffee facts in this article but it doesn’t mean I don’t understand the point that they are trying to make. Still, part of me can’t help but feel that maybe Mr. Abbey hasn’t been lucky enough to find the right blend. I hope he never gave up.

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” – Jean Kerr

Unfortunately, the answer to this is a resounding yes! I know it’s not going to be a good day when I lose my morning cup to a violent sneeze. Sometimes, the human body doesn’t communicate too well with itself. Tomorrow will be better.

“Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It’s a hell of a mix. If you’re ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think.” – Kevin Garnett

Coffee is often enough for me in the morning, but I suppose you can give it a try if you’re in a nightmare and need an extra push. Can’t imagine it tastes too good, though!

“Adventure in life is good… consistency in Coffee even better.” – Justina Headley, North of Beautiful

If only it were possible to try new blends and be certain that they would be consistent. I guess we can’t have it all. But we can dream.

“Coffee which makes the politician wise, and sees through all things with his half-shut eyes.” – Alexander Pope

Pope is best known for the coinage, “to err is human; to forgive is divine,” but this one is far better as far as I’m concerned. Why? It’s because coffee gives us superpowers, the kind that gets most of us through the day unscathed, filled with energy and clarity to forgive.

“Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee!” – David Letterman

Here’s David Letterman again, popping up with his lighthearted take on one of the biggest presidential scandals of all time. Isn’t coffee fantastic? It can turn the most serious of situations into a joke and that’s no small feat!

“Coffee: creative lighter fluid.” – Floyd Maxwell

If there is one thing wrong with this quote from Floyd Maxwell, its that a cup of Joe is way more powerful than lighter fluid. How dare you sir?! #Coffeefacts.

“Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.” – Bill Gates

Unfortunately, the founder of Microsoft and one of the richest people on the planet is right and that’s why he gets paid the big bucks. Imagine, though, sitting in Central Perk with friends joking around and watching the world go by. Is it just me or would’t that be a really fun way to pass the week?

“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

Not to rewrite history here but I imagine Napoleon Bonaparte might have had a better chance of holding on to power if he had suffered with coffee. After all, it’s the lighter fluid of life and the liquid that lets politicians see, even with their eyes half-shut. Even powerful revolutionaries like Napoleon can use some help every now and again.

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln

I understand the second part Abe, but the first part is all wrong. If it’s tea, someone should bring him a cup of coffee. Immediately. But if it’s coffee, then he doesn’t need anything else, in my opinion. Let the man make history.

“You can tell when you have crossed the frontier into Germany because of the badness of the coffee.” – Edward VII

Coffee facts are often lighthearted, unless someone crosses the line and teases the quality of java. Edward VII not only crossed the coffee line, but he also went over the border into Germany and didn’t care too much for what he found. Not to make excuses, but the fact that the two nations were at war probably made him a bit biased. It’s one of the rare times when the decline in standards is acceptable… sort of.

“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors

Yes, Donna, it’s incredible how a cup can change a person’s perspective. What’s even more amazing is the fact that the novelty doesn’t wear off. To this day, I marvel at the power of the first sip of the day and how it instantly clears away the cobwebs.

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare

Coffee facts don’t come much more existential than this one from Cassandra Clare. To this day, I can’t shake the sneaking suspicion that a sit down with the world’s leaders over a steaming mug of the brown stuff might bring about world peace. If it works in the office, why not at a G8 meeting? Worth a try at least.

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld

And Seinfeld knows a lot about getting stuff done. Not only did he create one of, if not the most successful TV show of all time, but he’s a legend in the stand up comedy community. Currently, Netflix airs his new series, “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” and one can make the argument that he’s living his best life. Thanks, Jerry, for showing the rest of us that the road to success is paved with good cups of coffee . As you drive to get more coffee. Poetic.

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott

This means that coffee runs the world because we all know that behind every successful man is a smart, strong woman. It’s not too farfetched to surmise that the stronger the blend, the stronger the woman. After all, it’s the fuel that keeps the engine turning.

“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro

Which means that coffee runs the world because we all know that behind every successful man is a smart, strong woman. It’s not too farfetched to surmise that the stronger the blend, the stronger the woman. After all, it’s the fuel that keeps the engine turning.

“The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Wendell Holmes Sr.

When I need to prove that coffee is better than tea, I turn to coffee facts and there aren’t many better than this one from Wendell Holmes Sr. Tea might be good, but it doesn’t have the same effect and that is the gospel truth.

“I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.” – Megan Mullally

Megan Mullally, (wrongly) deciding that Bailey’s is the better option when it comes to the alcohol versus coffee debate. Best of luck to you, Megan! You have my sympathies.

“Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.” – Nanea Hoffman

Nanea Hoffman, instantly rebuking Ms. Mullally and proving once and for all why there is only one drink to consume in the morning. When was the last time we went the whole day without wearing pants and thought, “wasn’t that productive?”

“The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you hit your head against it.” – Douglas Adams

To all aspiring writers out there – don’t panic. Use Douglas Adams’ words and stock up on coffee and start banging your head against a sturdy table. It worked for him and he’s full of bright ideas! Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if this tactic worked for every profession, especially the drinking way too much coffee part. And banging your head against the table only half as much.

“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?” – Steven Wright

Of course they do. It’s the only way they can cope with the glaring realization of the monumental mistake they’ve made by serving iced tea for a living.

“When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Helen Hayes

And, in my experience, you need as much coffee as you do patience and tolerance. If the latter are virtues, what does that make coffee?!

“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher

Which is why I make sure the bedroom door is sealed shut when I want to stay in bed on the weekends. Otherwise, I have to head downstairs and sample the beans and start my day in full, productive mode which is as delicious as it is frustrating.

“There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia

Rian Aditia totally nails the oxymoron that is the sweet cup of bitter coffee. It’s not for the faint hearted, however. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

“Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.” – Bob Irwin

I don’t know who Bob Irwin is, but he’s a sick, twisted individual who happens to be completely and utterly right. Decaffeinated coffee, to an aficionado, is all kinds of wrong.

“I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as perfume.” – John van Druten

John van Druten takes a shot at understanding what it’s like to be a woman for a day and gets it horribly wrong. If ladies wore coffee as perfume, men would never leave them alone. Sorry John, but with great power comes great responsibility.

“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan

Reagan shows why he is one of only 14 men to have completed two full terms as president of the United States. Unlike most of us, he resisted the temptation to brew a cup of mid-morning coffee and went for a power nap instead during his presidency. That’s the kind of courage a person needs to be in charge as the leader of the free world.

“No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.” – Cherise Sinclair

Because coffee is our Lord and Savior and the only religion we need in our lives. Plus, it explains a lot of things that happened in the past without coffee to guide those poor souls. Thankfully, we are more fortunate in the 21st century. Hallelujah and praise the Lord!

“Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” Rohan Marley

If there is one reason and one reason only to save the planet, it’s for the sake of our coffee. Rohan Marley reminds us that without the cultivation and care of the world’s forests, we wouldn’t have access to one of the most important natural resources. Sustainable farming is the way forward, people, especially if you want to continue waking up to a cup of Joe.

“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” – Dave Berry

This quote perfectly sums up how I feel when I have to stand in a line of amateurs (yes, I said amateurs) who don’t understand the nuances of coffee. Shouldn’t there be an establishment they can go to without bothering the rest of us? Oh yes, there is – Starbucks. Enjoy your Frappuccino and more coffee quotes!

“Up to a thousand milligrams of caffeine is considered safe for most people, which translates into about 10 cups of coffee a day.” – Michael Greger

Okay, so it looks like I need to seriously start cutting down on my intake ASAP! By the way, the actual number of milligrams considered safe is 400 or four cups. So we all need to start cutting down…

“Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.” – AJ Lee

This says it all.

Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed this list of coffee quotes and coffee facts as much I enjoyed putting it together. If you have any of your favorites that didn’t make it, please leave them in the comment section below. There can never be too many reminders of why we need coffee in our lives, people.

 

Sources

  1. https://www.thebaristalife.com/blogs/blog/barista-lifes-top-117-coffee-quotes
  2. https://coffeeconfidential.org/history/coffee-quotes/
  3. https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/21-best-quotes-about-coffee.html
  4. https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/g26948562/funny-coffee-quotes/