Looking for perfect coffee quotes? Keep reading. Let’s face it:
Coffee is the one thing we can always rely on. Come morning, noon or night, and it’s mainly the morning, our mug of Joe is full and ready to get us through the day. Without it, we wouldn’t be able to function in society. The feeling of gratitude is so intense that we often want to eulogize about the dark beans which transform our hell of a day into a bearable one, and lots of people feel the same way.
Whether it’s ex-presidents of the United States, poets and writers or entertainers, the impact of world-class beans is a universal one. So, here are some of the best quotes that double up as coffee facts to remind us how lucky we are to be lovers of the most powerful drug on the planet.
45 Amazing Coffee Quotes
“Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman
The former host of the Late Show puts into words how we feel when we have to strike up a conversation without the aid of coffee. Help!
“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T.S Elliot
So have we, T.S, and we’re still counting! Are there enough spoons in the world to accurately calculate how much java an aficionado drinks? Probably not!
“Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais
We’ve all been there – drinking a cup of coffee too late in the evening and then struggling to sleep at night. Of course, Allais’ tongue-in-cheek remark is more about the monotony of life without coffee in our lives, and I think we can all agree he’s right. Preach!
“If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.” “If I were your husband, I would drink it.” Winston Churchill & Nancy Astor
This funny exchange between Britain’s most famous Prime Minister and their first female MP shows how much we need a cup of Joe in the morning. Even with poison in it, it’s still pretty good. Of course, it doubles up as an insight into the battle between men and women, too, a dispute which will only be solved with the help of lots of coffee!
“No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kabir
Yes, Sheik – coffee is the ultimate eye-opener. Whether it’s in the morning with sleep in our eyes or at a party filled with philosophical conversation, we see better with it. Also, does anyone else think we’d be better off without religion as we know it and following the gospel that is coffee instead? The world would be a simpler place, of that there is no doubt.
“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson
Earl is right – nothing brings people together like coffee. Yes, coffee doesn’t start the conversation or keep it going, but it gives workers something to form around. Many a penny has been earned on the back of a successful coffee break, and that’s no lie. For everything that science can’t answer, there is a cup of the black stuff.
“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.” – Sir James MacKintosh
The reason this man is a knight of the realm is his intelligence. He correctly establishes that without coffee men are useless and I think we can all agree there is merit to his assumption.
“Coffee first; schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber
Leanna Renee Hieber thinks along the same lines as Sir James MacKintosh but without the unnecessary dig at men, adding a touch of class to proceedings.
“But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch
As far as coffee facts go, this is one of the most bona fide in my opinion. Sure, we’ve all had a bad cup of java or two in our lives yet, no matter how bad it was, it never compared to the times we had to go without.
“What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” – Henry Rollins
Mr. Rollins is a true coffee addict. Like a smoker, he can’t resist the urge to chain cup after cup of his favorite dark roast. We can judge him and tell him to see someone, but that’s hypocritical considering we’re as bad. We don’t want to admit it!
“Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.” – Laurell K. Hamilton
Apparently, a healthy diet should avoid the excess consumption of both coffee and sugar. Laurell K. Hamilton, on the other hand, understands they go together like two peas in a pod. In fact, they’re such a good combination that they’re the only food groups she needs and I think she has a point.
“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Alfred Renyi/Paul Erdos
Coffee facts don’t usually annoy me yet this one is frustrating. Modern coffee seems to be a scientific experiment to find the right blend, and it often ruins the experience. Molecules schmolecules – give me a decent cup of Joe and stop messing around!
“I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go,’ Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.” – Jim Carrey
Okay, so Jim Carrey is probably talking about the beauty of life but it also applies to coffee, too. Remember how good the best cup of coffee is folks because it can disappear in an instant and it might never come back again. Who knew the man behind “Dumb & Dumber” was a philosopher?
“Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” – Edward Abbey
Hey, I don’t agree with all of the coffee facts in this article but it doesn’t mean I don’t understand the concept of the quote. Still, part of me can’t help but feel that Mr. Abbey hasn’t been lucky enough to find the right blend. The search continues.
“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” – Jean Kerr
Unfortunately, the answer to this is a resounding yes! I know it’s not going to be a good day when I lose my morning cup to a violent sneeze no matter how hard I try to fight it. Sometimes, the human body sucks.
“Too much coffee. Too much coffee and Gatorade. It’s a hell of a mix. If you’re ever tired in the morning, just try that mix, and tell me what you think.” – Kevin Garnett
Coffee is often enough for me in the morning, but I suppose you can give it a try if you’re a nightmare and need an extra push. I don’t see how it tastes nice, though!
“Adventure in life is good… consistency in Coffee even better.” – Justina Headley, North of Beautiful
If only it were possible to try new blends and it was certain that they would be consistent. I guess we can’t have it all.
“Coffee which makes the politician wise, and sees through all things with his half-shut eyes.” – Alexander Pope
Pope is best known for the coinage, “to err is human; to forgive is divine,” but this is one of his best as far as I’m concerned. Why? It’s because coffee gives us superpowers, the kind that gets most of us through the day unscathed.
“Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can’t even get the intern to make me coffee!” – David Letterman
Here’s David Letterman again, popping up with his lighthearted take on one of the biggest presidential scandals of all time. Isn’t coffee fantastic? It can turn the most serious of situations into a joke and that’s impressive.
“Coffee: creative lighter fluid.” – Floyd Maxwell
If there is one thing wrong with this quote from Floyd Maxwell, I’d have to say that a cup of Joe is more powerful than lighter fluid. #Coffeefacts.
“Television is not real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.” – Bill Gates
Unfortunately, the founder of Microsoft and one of the richest people on the planet is right and that’s why he’s paid the big bucks. Imagine, though, the idea of sitting in Central Perk with friends joking around and watching the world go by. Is it only me or would that be a special way to pass the week?
“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte
Not to rewrite history but I imagine Napoleon Bonaparte might have had a better chance of holding on to power if he had suffered with coffee. After all, it’s the lighter fluid of life and the liquid that lets politicians see with their eyes half-shut, and even revolutionaries like Napoleon can use some assistance.
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln
I understand the second part, Abe, but the first part is all wrong. If it’s tea, someone should bring him a cup of coffee. But, if it’s coffee, then he doesn’t need anything, at least not in my eyes.
“You can tell when you have crossed the frontier into Germany because of the badness of the coffee.” – Edward VII
Coffee facts are often lighthearted, apart from when someone crosses the line and teases the quality of java on offer. Well, Edward VII not only crossed the coffee line, but he also went over the border into Germany and didn’t like what he found. Not to make excuses, but the fact that the two nations were at war probably had something to do with it. After all, it’s the one time when the decline in standards is acceptable… sort of.
“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
Yes, Donna, it’s incredible how a cup can change a person’s perspective. What’s still amazing to me is the fact that the novelty hasn’t worn off. To this day, I marvel at the power of the first mug of the day and how it instantly clears away the cobwebs.
“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare
Coffee facts don’t come more existential than this one from Cassandra Clare. To this day, I can’t shake the sneaking suspicion that a sit down with the world’s leaders over a steaming mug of the brown stuff might bring about peace. If it works in the office, why not at a G8 meeting?
“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.” – Jerry Seinfeld
And Seinfeld knows a lot about getting stuff done. Not only did he create one of, if not the most successful TV show of all time, but he’s a leader in the world of stand-up comedy too. Currently, Netflix airs his new series, “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” and there’s an argument to say he’s living his best life. Thanks, Jerry, for showing the rest of us that the road to success is paved with good cups of coffee.
“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott
There’s a popular quote that goes: “to look good is to feel good.” Louisa May Alcott dispels that theory by showcasing that the key to feeling good is to drink as much coffee as possible! After she’s done, then she’ll take the compliments.
“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
Which means that coffee runs the world because we all know that behind every successful man is a smart, strong woman. It’s not too farfetched to surmise that the stronger the blend, the stronger the woman. After all, it’s the fuel that keeps the engine turning.
“The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Wendell Holmes Sr.
When I need to prove that coffee is better than tea, I turn to coffee facts and there aren’t many better than this one from Wendell Holmes Sr. Tea might be good, but it doesn’t have the same effect and that is the gospel truth.
“I’ll quit coffee. It won’t be easy drinking my Bailey’s straight, but I’ll get used to it. It’ll still be the best part of waking up.” – Megan Mullally
Megan Mullally, (wrongly) deciding that Bailey’s is the better option when it comes to the alcohol versus coffee debate.
“Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.” – Nanea Hoffman
Nanea Hoffman, instantly rebuking Ms. Mullally and proving once and for all why there is only one drink to consume in the morning. When was the last time we went the whole day without wearing pants and thought, “wasn’t that was productive?”
“The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you hit your head against it.” – Douglas Adams
To any aspiring writers out there – don’t panic. Use Douglas Adams’ words and stock up on coffee and start banging your head against a sturdy table. It worked for him and he’s full of bright ideas! Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if this tactic worked for every profession, especially the drinking way too much coffee part.
“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?” – Steven Wright
Of course they do. It’s the only way to get over the glaring realization that they should be serving coffee instead of iced tea and are making a huge mistake.
“When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Helen Hayes
And, in my experience, you need as much coffee as you do patience and tolerance. If the latter are virtues, what does that make coffee?!
“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher
Which is why I make sure the bedroom door is sealed shut when I want to stay in bed at the weekends. Otherwise, I have to head downstairs and sample the beans and start my day in full, which is as delicious as it is frustrating.
“There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia
Rian Aditia totally nails the oxymoron that is a cup of bitter coffee, although it’s not for the fainthearted. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
“Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister.” – Bob Irwin
I don’t know who Bob Irwin is, but he’s a sick, twisted individual who happens to be completely and utterly right. Decaffeinated coffee, to an aficionado, is all kinds of wrong.
“I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as perfume.” – John van Druten
John van Druten takes a shot at understanding what it’s like to be a woman for a day and gets it horribly wrong. If ladies wore coffee as perfume, men would never leave them alone. Sorry John, but with great power comes great responsibility.
“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan
Reagan shows why he is one of only 14 men to have completed two full terms as president of the United States. Unlike most of us, he resisted the temptation to brew a cup of mid-morning coffee and went for a power nap instead during his presidency. That’s the kind of courage a person needs to be in charge of the leader of the free world.
“No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.” – Cherise Sinclair
Because coffee is Christ and the only religion we need in our lives. Plus, it explains a lot of things that happened in the past without coffee to guide their actions. Thankfully, we are more fortunate in the 21st century. Hallelujah and praise the Lord!
“Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” Rohan Marley
If there is one reason and one reason only to save the planet, it’s for the sake of our coffee. Rohan Marley reminds us that without the cultivation and care of the world’s forests, we wouldn’t have access to one of the most important assets. Sustainable farming is the way forward, people, especially if you want to continue waking up to a cup of Joe.
“It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity.” – Dave Berry
This quote perfectly sums up how I feel when I have to stand in a line of amateurs who don’t understand coffee. Shouldn’t there be an establishment they can go to without bothering the rest of us? Oh yes, there is – Starbucks.
“Up to a thousand milligrams of caffeine is considered safe for most people, which translates into about 10 cups of coffee a day.” – Michael Greger
Okay, so it looks like I need to start cutting down on my intake ASAP! By the way, the actual number of milligrams considered safe is 400 or four cups.
“Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.” – AJ Lee
It says it all.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed this list of quotes and coffee facts as much I have loved putting it together. If you have any of your favorites that didn’t make it, please leave them in the comment section. There can never be too many reminders of why we need coffee in our lives, people.